The Power of Negative Thinking

A few weeks ago I fell off the diet and exercise wagon and was dragged for several miles, trapped underneath the wheels.

I'm not sure how my fall from grace became so spectacular, as the only thing I have been sure of for the past month or so is that if I didn't eat poutine every day, puppies would die.

Puppies may not have actually died, but I really wanted poutine dammit. And chocolate. And wine. And anything with bacon. And then more wine.

Cut to this morning when I step on the scale and discover that I've gained back nearly 13 of the 25 pounds I lost, which makes for a very bad start to any day.

During my recent gastrointestinal orgy, I also quit exercising. Running and kickboxing were at one time the highlight of my days, but lately there hasn't been anything that would get me to put on a sports bra. Cupcakes maybe.

Cupcakes could have worked, but that would have seemed somewhat wrong. Have no doubt though - I would have put the sports bra on, eaten the cupcakes and then had a nap on the couch, but it still would have seemed wrong.

I wear my stress. If I'm unhappy or anxious anybody can tell by either the hives on my face or the fact that there's a lot more of my face to see. Luckily however, I've found an interesting way to halt this particular spiral.

I got mad.

Like, really mad.

I've been sad for a while, and then while driving home one day I had an epiphany. Nobody who I'm angry with would care whether I'm fat and miserable - only I will.

Some of these people might take more notice if I'm living very well and looking very good. By that time, I might not care what these people think either way, and may not even remember why I was once sad and then angry.

That's unlikely actually. I can barely remember to flush lately, but I have a long memory for who broke my heart. Also, I do remember to flush. Just wanted to put that out there.

The point is, I went for my first run in a long time yesterday, and it felt great. It felt like I was dying and my lungs were trying to escape and liquidate through the snot running from my nose, but other than that...it was wonderful to be back on the trails.

Also, all I've had so far today is fruit, and I am one hungry, angry bitch. But that's kind of great too. Better to be an angry bitch who's hungry for more than a sad sister who's full of what she doesn't want.