So I had my first date from this most recent Plenty of Fish profile, and it did not go well. This is about as surprising as me saying that I woke up this morning with armpits.
To my relief, it wasn't spectacularly bad. Nothing caught on fire, nobody had to call the authorities and he didn't steal my vibrator. We all know the depths my dates are capable of, so this was relatively unscathing.
He did do the unthinkable however, and snapped his fingers at our waitress. Up until that point I had been thinking that he was charming and funny enough in an effeminate way that would be like having a gay friend who might actually want to have sex with me.
I wasn't interested in ever seeing him naked, but I didn't hate him yet. Three finger snaps later, that changed.
In case he hadn't doomed himself to the discard pile already, he assumed he would be sharing my dessert.
I don't mean he asked me politely for a small taste, and then wisely put the fork away after my generous allowance of chocolate, icing and an entire pecan - I mean he kept digging right in, and taking forkfuls of dessert that I was about to eat.
I'm rather territorial about my food, and would have sooner given up a kidney than any part of my Turtle Pie. I have to love you to let you take so much as a fry off my plate without feeling the need to drive a fork through your wrist.
In fact, I knew I had fallen completely and utterly without hope of redemption in love with Alex when I offered him my last bite of crab cake over dinner. In my mind, it was like telling him I would willingly die in childbirth just to have his children. It was really tasty crab cake.
Perhaps it's not surprising, but my witty and sarcastic Plenty of Fish profile is not getting much of a response, with Mr. Finger McSnappy from last night as the exception.
As Heidi of Completely Barking Mad blog fame pointed out, my current profile (posted here a couple of weeks back) will either lead to no responses or finding my soul mate. For those of you wise enough to place bets on the "No Responses" square - the next round should be on you.
However, the last time I had posted a Plenty of Fish profile, my message was very sweet. It was a little girly, kind of bland, and nothing like me at all. That profile got me no responses either. If I wanted any messages at all, I had to send my own to about 15 guys before one would reply back.
This time around, I even included more pictures of me looking as cute as I possibly can, and I'm getting the same crickets chirping in the night sound as when I tried to be sweet. The difference seems to be -- I can't bring myself to send messages to anybody.
Sure...I've browsed. A few profiles have even made me linger a little on the pictures, but I just can't get excited, and I'm certainly not hopeful.
No matter how good a guy looks, he doesn't look as good as Alex. If he tries to be funny, he's just not as funny as you-know-who. If he has interests, they're just not as interesting as...don't worry. It sounds just as repetitive, sickening and worrisome to me.
This affliction of mine doesn't seem to be going away. I gave him my crab cake, and apparently...it was serious.
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