But will it be fuel-efficient...?

As I've mentioned in a previous post, my new chin is going to be ridiculously expensive and therefore spectacular. My new chin will be hounded by paparazzi and linked romantically to Prince Harry, causing great scandal in Britain.

Photographed by Annie Leibowitz and featured in a PSA ad campaign my chin will single-handedly reverse the effects of global warming, and male pattern baldness. That's how spectacular my new chin ought to be, given some of the costs provided at my most recent appointment with the orthodontist.

He started by showing me x-rays of my jaw, which is apparently so malformed it's a wonder I can chew food. My teeth don't line up, one side of my jaw is higher and one jaw-joint is a completely different shape than the other. The bones in my face look like they came from a mismatched set. I could see how some sort of action may be required.

Next he outlined my options. Since my lower jaw sits too far back, one option could be to move my top teeth back. Cheaper, and no surgery. I was nodding slowly until he said this option may cause my nose to appear larger. Sweet blessed Jesus. On to option two.

Option two is what I was expecting. Braces for two years, surgery after a year and I enter my 23rd awkward stage in a row. He showed me a computer enhanced photo of how my profile will look once the surgery is over and it was fascinating.

My nose, and this may just be wishful thinking, but my nose looked just a smidge...just a teensy bit...smaller. My face looked slightly more...balanced. It wouldn't be so noticeable to everybody else, but I couldn't stop looking at the computer screen.

The doctor thinks I may actually need two surgeries to align my jaw perfectly, which won't be happening. It gets done in one shot or I live on smoothies for the rest of my life. I may still need skin grafts on my gums, but if I have to pay for those then I'm putting it off until the bottom half of my skull falls into my lap through the gaping spaces where my gums used to be. Like I said, my new chin is going to be expensive.

$1200 upfront for the braces. $225 every month afterward for two years. $4000-$5000 on top for that new chin smell. Crikey.

I know I have to go through with it, it's just a matter of when. The doctor advised I may want to consider timing my braces carefully. Will I have wedding photos coming up? A big holiday perhaps? No to both, and my new chin is likely to keep it that way.