Occasionally my phone will ring at work with a vendor trying to sell me something. I can't be more specific about what it is they're selling, because the caller is never specific. It's always some kind of software program that will reinvent, renew, or refresh our marketing strategy.
These cold callers can never say how, or what their software does over the phone. The goal is to intrigue me into booking a meeting, and then wow me with something I've never seen before on a computer screen.
A perverted friend of mine once showed me a picture of two four-hundred pound lesbians with skin diseases having sex with a horse, and what appeared to be peanut butter. After that, it's always going to take a lot to show me something I've never seen before on a computer screen.
I gave in last week and agreed to a couple of sales guys coming out to show me software so cutting edge, it couldn't be described over the phone at all. All I gathered from the initial cold call was it had something to do with the Internet.
These sales guys have a tough job, and every once in a while I'll give somebody a chance. The particular guy who called was smart enough to have done some research, and he wasn't reading from a script. Feeling generous, I set up a meeting...despite having no actual power, budget or technical knowledge.
This is information I hold back to intrigue the occasional vendor into coming to see me, should there be a remote possibility their services can help with what I need. I want there to be a product out there that will solve all of my professional problems. Not only will it help me track engagement and surpass my key performance indicators, but it simultaneously screens for losers when I sneak on to the online dating site from work! What a product!
This was not that product. This wasn't any product I could use, and I give the original smooth talker credit for almost saving the presentation when it became obvious the product wasn't for me. He had me almost reconsidering, when his partner jumped in.
As far as wingmen go, if the smooth talker took his partner out to a bar nobody would be getting laid. Ever. Diplomacy, tact, good breath...none of these things mattered to the partner.
The partner started to go on at length about how he could see I was somebody who just didn't know how to use tools. Not only did I not know how to use tools, I didn't even realize I could use them at all.
Yes folks...in attempting to explain how our current marketing and communications strategy and database couldn't support the platform they were selling at this time due to resourcing issues and a current freeze on any IT projects connected to our database, I inadvertently revealed I don't have the learning capacity of a cro-magnon. I wouldn't even know to hit something with a rock if I had to break it open...which is a good thing whenever our database freezes I suppose.
The smooth talker tried to smooth it over, but I was done. I was also a little unsettled, remembering that my kitchen light is still burnt out because I can't find the pliers I need to get the screws out of the light fixture, and wondering if the partner had actually seen inside my head to know that.
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