- Everything that has ever happened.
- Everything that is currently happening.
- Everything that might ever happen.
I've narrowed my concerns to just these three things because I became stressed about not having my priorities in order and losing track of what was important. I made several lists but then I lost the lists somewhere between moving, storage and my frantic search for my Bikini Ready Fast DVD.
Luckily I had taken the time to identify the three things I worry about most and commit them to memory, because I would hate to have the fact that my anxieties have their own disorders just sneak up on me in the middle of the night.
And it is for these reasons that I'm really not cut out for Internet dating. I don't think I'm cut out for dating period, but I would like somebody else to buy me a meal or two eventually so I have no choice but to move forward.
So far, the online dating experience has sucked. About the only thing I can say for myself is that I am in fact, online. The dating part still eludes me. I've sent emails, I've sent smiles, I've replied to smiles, I've instant messaged and waited and...nothing. Well, almost nothing.
There is Tyler*. Funny, good looking and tall. The first guy to send me a smile and the only guy to reply to my follow-up email. We've sent funny emails back and forth. We've had an hour long IM session about midgets, Gandhi, and what to do if cursed by gypsies.
He asked for my real email so we could MSN and we haven't chatted since. He's sent me a note or two in the mean time, but he remains as elusive as the Loch Ness Monster, who I'm probably much more likely to actually have a drink with in the near future.
Because I tend to worry a little bit, I've managed to drive myself half-crazy (read: completely batshit) in a very short span of time. When I see him online (at the dating website) I wonder if I should send him an IM or would I be bothering him and or appearing desperate.
If I don't send him a message and I'm online and so is he, then why isn't he sending me a message? He obviously has no interest because otherwise he would be trying to connect with me, but then I'm not sending him a message and I'm interested so I think this means I'm the one with a the problem.
If he's online at the dating site then who is he talking to? How many other women are interested in him? What do they look like? He must be more interested in them because otherwise he'd be talking to me.
He must get so many messages and emails because he's online quite often and so what else could he be doing? I'm online quite often too and nobody but him sends me messages, but I keep checking due to OCD and not because I'm actually conversing with anybody.
To make matters worse, his email has both his first and last name. With this information, I was able to peruse his Friends list on Facebook. Out of 200 people, only ten were men. The remainder were women hotter than the sun, therefore confirming my suspicion that he must be talking to all kinds of women whose thighs don't touch and who don't have a zit on their foreheads so large that an IMAX film crew is currently shooting a movie all about it, just above their right eyebrows.
I'll also bet those girls don't need to worry about whether their pictures will show their nose or their chins in the most unflattering light possible. It has to be both, or one or the other but it can't ever be neither.
So, Tyler -- I'm surprisingly free this weekend if you'd like to meet, and I think we should just so we can both move on and find closure. One of us really needs it. Just like I really need other hobbies. Or to lie down.
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