Period to the maxx!

Um. Can we talk about something a bit personal for a moment? I've been seeing ads on TV for a new Playtex tampon.

Does the tampon come soaked in Vicodin so that I can truly have a happy period? No. Does the tampon vibrate, vacuum or perform any other service that I might in fact want or need? Not really.

According to the ads, Playtex has created the first ever, Sport Tampon. It's a "high-performance" tampon. As opposed to all of those other tampons who just never really gave it their all, better suited to watching from the sidelines.

Does the world need a Sport Tampon? Has this been an issue? A big feature of this product is a patented No-Slip Grip applicator. I'm not sure about anybody else, and perhaps this is a sign of my own ignorance, but this isn't a problem that comes up too often.

Perhaps I'm not the high-performance woman Platex is marketing to, as usually I'm standing fairly still while taking care of any tampon-related requirements. I'm not hanging off the side of a mountain, balancing on a surf board or crossing the finish line in the Iron Man while trying to work a tampon.

I've never thought, "If only my tampon were as high-performance as my life I could really give 110%." Were I to have this thought, I would naturally then crack a Mountain Dew, adjust my helmet and bungee jump off the side of the bridge I just climbed. While inserting my new high-performance tampon with my no-slip grip applicator of course.