Thailand - Part One

I know my last post was a little...um...angry. Three parts hissy fit and one part panties in a wad, tossed into a lidless blender and splattered all over the walls. That's just how I roll. I'm an angry little person lately. Actually I'm an angry tall person with child-bearing hips. If I was a teen-age girl right now I'd be rocking the goth look - all black eyeliner, bad attitude and torn up leggings.

I'd probably be listening to Morrissey and writing horrible poetry about how nobody understands me and I am all alone. I'm not sure what the 33 year-old woman equivalent is exactly, but I'll let you know once I have it perfected.

I don't think I'm going through a second puberty, although I don't want to rule that out. My breasts really underperformed during the last one, and I'd like it if they had a second chance for a coming out party.

The summer has been rotten, but with one amazing highlight so spectacular, I think about it now when I'd otherwise be listening to Morrissey. It wasn't just one highlight, but over two weeks of highlights when I travelled to Thailand.

My younger sister is the traveller in the family. She's lived for a year in Australia, spent nearly a year in New Zealand, travelled through Europe, worked ski seasons in Jasper and Whistler, spent a summer in Johnson Canyon near Banff, flown to San Francisco on a whim and not surprisingly, finished her degree in Tourism Management.

On the other hand, I get flustered by shopping at a new grocery store. Trying to figure out the Metro in Paris would probably give me a stress-induced heart attack, whereas my sister would consider it part of the fun and adventure.

I'm not sure what happened to me at birth, but it's likely that within seconds of my arrival from the womb I was screaming and crying only because I did not have an itinerary and plan in place for where I was supposed to be next.

Thus, I was actually extremely nervous flying to meet my sister in Bangkok. What if she wasn't there to meet me? What if I missed a flight? What if they lost my luggage? What if somebody slipped drugs into my luggage during the nanosecond I wasn't looking and I would spend the rest of my life in a Thai prison? She flew from New Zealand to Thailand, and I spent what may have been eight days in the air from Victoria to Tokyo, Tokyo to Bangkok.

I did not step outside the Tokyo airport, but let me just say that the washrooms in Tokyo are an attraction all their own. The first time I went to use the washroom after spending six of my eight days in the air, I was completely flummoxed by the toilet. I opened the stall door, and there sat a toilet so advanced I was too tired to figure out how to use it.

It had arm rests with buttons, and it was too much for me after such a long flight and no sleep. I chickened out that time, but went back to investigate after I'd napped during my long layover.

The toilets are a technological wonder. Not every toilet was as high-tech - only certain stalls offered the full experience. I sat down on one of the gadget infused toilets, and began experimenting with the buttons. There is a button to make a flushing noise, without actually flushing the toilet, for those who may want some auditory privacy. There is a button to release a pleasant, deodorizing scent. There are two buttons for jet sprays, aimed at different areas. I recommend both, and that's all I'll say about that. There are also buttons for two different drying blasts of air. I suggest bracing yourself.

I was disappointed there was not a waxing option built right in, but the technology may still be new. There is of course a button to flush when you really mean it, and I'm happy to report that worked the same as always.

However, my vacation wasn't just about toilets, although when travelling, toilets actually become a real issue. The point is, I strapped on a back pack for the first time in my life, saw parts of the world that yanked me outside of my comfortable shell and met people who changed my view of things entirely.

Thailand is a beautiful country. Much more talented people than me have tried to describe sunsets, white sand beaches and ocean waves in ways that aren't cliched, and I can't hope to get across what the country side and the water and the smells and the sounds of jungle and stillness of temples and the kindness of the Thai people I met on my travels are like, because I could never do any of them justice.

Travelling with my sister was a great balance, and we only almost killed each other once when we spent an entire day travelling to the wrong island. It's a long story, suffice to say that I was tired, cranky, in a lot of pain and we were on the wrong island. I'm not saying I handled it badly, I'm just saying that I handled it...not so well.

Unfortunately, in the second week of our travels my back went out. I had been feeling twinges, like the day we landed on the wrong island, but I thought that was as bad as it would get. It wasn't.

When I say my back went out I don't mean it quietly closed the door and left the building for a few minutes...oh no. I mean my back chartered a plane and left the damned country. I was in so much pain I couldn't walk, stand, or sit without weeping.

The day it happened was a travel day, and I couldn't carry my pack. My poor sister had to carry both of ours, and help me off and on the various boats and buses we had to take to get to where we were going. This was not a highlight for me, because I had really hoped my body would be strong enough to pull off everything we wanted to do, and for the most part it was. Some of the physical issues I've been working through have been documented on this blog, and some of my issues arose only because I don't have the upper body strength to bench press a piece of chicken.

One of my best moments on my trip came when I passed a couple of British military guys hiking it up some steep stairs to the top of a temple. One guy turned to me and said, "Jay-sus. You must be a runner!" I've spent the months away from my blog posting doing some heavy physical training. I trained for a 10k race, ran it, and kept on running three times a week. I started kickboxing, and I'm actually pretty good at it. I've lost almost 30 pounds since March, so when I lapped the British soldiers and they noticed - I was She-Ra, Princess of Power.

I did not feel like She-Ra with my back spasming so badly I was honestly afraid I might lose control of my bowels, less than three days after lapping the brits. My sister ran - literally ran - to a local pharmacy to get me some drugs, and I was able to resume my vacation.

Yay drugs!

Thai pharmacies offer many drugs over the counter that you can't get here without a prescription. My sister was able to mime and gesture what she needed to the Pharmacist, who gave her pain medication for me normally given to women during just after childbirth or surgery. Perhaps he thought I was actively in labour - it's hard to say what my sister was miming exactly. Regardless, the pills he gave her for me meant I didn't have to fly home a week early like I was thinking I'd have to.

Luckily our second week was mostly beach and less adventure, so me moving around like a brittle old woman didn't matter so much. I could manage tanning and bobbing around in the water without a medical team standing by, and that's just what I did.

It sounds as though the trip was quite awful now, and that is not what this posting was supposed to be about. SEE? I think I need to go get my lip pierced and dye my hair black.

No matter how miserable I might be lately though, I think back to what it was like jumping through the waves in Phuket, waving at my sister in her giant movie star diva sunglasses on the beach and the feeling that lasted for hours and not moments - that I am so lucky to be here, and so lucky to just be.