True Confessions.

Having a crush on somebody who works for the same organization you do elevates routine and otherwise boring activities to boring activities suddenly requiring lip gloss. That's an absolutely huge difference.

To be clear, I have no intention of doing anything about suddenly finding a fellow staff member irresistible enough to distract me the entire time he's talking about some sort of new ad campaign...or light sabre...I really don't know what the hell he was talking about. I do know he has really strong, manly looking hands though.

I'm not going to talk to him any more than I normally would, which is to say, not really at all. He did take a great picture of me for some publication I'm going to be featured in, and I did thank him for the effort and for capturing me with my eyes fully open - no small task for any photographer.

He did blush and say that I'm he doesn't know what I'm talking about because I'm "lovely. Just...really lovely," which was nice and which I remember with total sensory recall but really, that's the last reason he and I will have to communicate. And that's fine.

It's fine because apparently he lives with someone, has a girlfriend, broke up with a girlfriend last year, might have a girlfriend, lives with an older Italian woman who looks like a young Sophia Loren, and or doesn't live with anybody but might be with somebody that nobody knows. Not that I've asked anybody.

He also smells like the outdoors and laundry detergent.

Overall, there is nothing to see here.

There might be something to see here in January though. I have a confession to make - I've been holding out on you, my three valued readers.

You see, I have an electronic boyfriend.

Let me explain. It's exactly as bizarre as it sounds, don't worry. I have this guy who I talk to every night, on the phone, for hours. We started chatting online, quickly took to the phone and there we've been for over a month. He lives approximately five minutes from me, if I was walking really slowly. We've never met.

He's younger than me, wickedly funny and he can predict my moods and behaviour more accurately than the guy I lived with for four years...who presumably met me. He may actually be smarter than me but I will commit Hari Kari before I let him know that little tidbit. I showed his picture to a girlfriend who immediately demanded to know why in God's name I hadn't seen him naked yet.

Oh yeah - he also seems to have the libido of a 26-year old Hugh Heffner on Ecstasy. He thinks we're going to sleep together within a half hour of meeting for the first time. I haven't exactly bent over in any direction trying to dissuade him of this idea. There's a small chance (read: absolute certainty) that I've been encouraging this notion.

He's very good at making me want to encourage this notion.

(In the interest of self-censorship and dignity, that's all I can say. Surely you can read between the lines. Shortly after the historical first phone call took place, the next phone call began with the words, "What are you wearing?")

There's also a small chance that I'm way more attached to a voice on the phone than any normal person should be. I may want to have little digital babies with that voice. I want to set up a conference call so that the voice can meet the voices of my parents and all of my friends. Surely, nothing can go wrong with this scenario.

The voice seems to be experiencing similar attachment issues. He admitted he liked talking to me so much he's afraid of not talking to me so meeting is scary for that reason. He says he's going to be attracted to me no matter what, because my personality will make up for any defects. He slips more frequently from naughty conversation I would die if my mother overheard to wanting to know all about my day and what I think about things, and how will we explain how we met to our friends?

We're meeting the first week of January. Until then, it's phone relationship as usual.

Overall, there is nothing to see here.