Things I know.

These last few weeks have been a series of lessons I think I should share. Some are completely new to me, and some lessons I'm destined to relearn over and over. In no particular order, please see my list of things I have learned so that you don't have to:

• When the airport security guard pulls a large knife from the side pocket of your purse, immediately taking the Lord's name in vain and stuttering that the knife is not a weapon, it is instead your apple cutting knife from your lunch does not make you appear less of a lunatic.
• If attending a black tie gala in honour of somebody who is recently deceased, it is never appropriate to comment on how that person was the embodiment of evil on earth. Like, not ever.
• Seeing your ex and seeing him happy with somebody else does not get easier with time. Some things get harder.
• When attempting to Crazy Glue a buckle on your favourite boot so that it doesn't jingle like a belly dance is in danger of breaking out every time you walk, it's always a good idea to ensure your finger does not become glued to said boot. I can not stress this enough.
• When your plane is experiencing difficulty landing, and you are starting to panic just a little, there may be something lacking in your life if the first thought springing to mind is how you went on a trip and left dishes in the sink, and what will anybody clearing out your apartment after your body is found think about the fact you left dishes in the sink? It may be time to reevaluate priorities.
• If you fail to attend one meeting, you will be guaranteed to be assigned all of the tasks nobody else wants, including acting as emcee for an event hosting more than 200 people.
• Control top pantyhose will make you look like a bratwurst belted tightly with piano wire. And nobody likes a bratwurst in bondage.

Overall, it's been an interesting couple of weeks. Lessons learned, and taken to heart.