So I'm in a staff meeting. I'm perpetually in some kind of meeting and it's all I can do just to remember why I'm there.
It's beyond me to actually change or set the course of the meetings I attend so I settle for staying awake, nodding and smiling in the appropriate places and trying to not piss anybody off. Too badly.
This staff meeting was for my department only, and I like these people. We usually have cake during the meeting so I can't really complain. Often the conversation veers into territory never before seen on an agenda such as side-effect warnings for pharmaceuticals.
As a result, we all agreed that seeking help for an erection lasting more than four hours is probably good advice. Kind of a waste, but good advice.
Next came a discussion to decide what to do for our Christmas Workshop Day. Our Christmas Workshop Day is a day we spend out of the office, with an activity geared towards convincing the senior executive that we're learning something valuable and the rest of the day likely spent drinking.
This discussion brought back memories of last year's Workshop for the team. Apparently, part of their activities were spent watching a DVD meant to be life-affirming, produced and hosted by a National Geographic photographer.
The film depicted meaningful images from around the globe, spectacular shots of nature and a narrative attempting to depict and explain the human experience.
My team is a cynical group, so their human experience wasn't exactly elevated by the screening. This happened before I joined the department, so I couldn't comment. However, it seems I didn't even have to be there.
My boss started laughing at the memory, and laughed harder when she looked over at me. She asked the group, "Can you imagine if Bambi had of been there?" Then the entire group started laughing.
"Oh Jesus. Oh my God. Bambi...watching that! Her personality! Can you imagine?"
Apparently, my tolerance for "life-affirming" is low. It seems I don't come across as somebody who would appreciate the sight of a National Geographic photographer canoeing across a pristine lake, in search of his life's purpose.
This is true.
I'm much more likely to appreciate the sight of a waiter bringing me my cheesecake, or the sight of a National Geographic photographer being forced to work in a cubicle, so far away from his life's purpose that he wakes up everyday wondering if he's fallen into a rip in the space-time continuum. But I really thought those feelings were private.
I had no idea my boss and colleagues would find the idea of me watching and enjoying some uplifting piece of self-help fluff to be so sublimely hilarious. How do they know I wouldn't enjoy that crap? Why wouldn't I enjoy utter bullshit just as much as the next person? Especially when it involves a canoe?
Am I that obvious?
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