Just One Reason Why I'm Single

Actual transcript of email conversation on OK Cupid – user names and actual names changed to protect whatever semblance of dignity I still cling to.

Tuesday, November 1st, 8:48 pm

HotStud6969: Hey beautiful! My name is Craig. How are you?

Thursday, November 4^th, 10:15 am

HotStud6969: You have a beautiful smile!

Sunday, November 6, 9:40 pm

HotStud6969: Do you remember me? We actually met in at a hotel way back. lol

Tuesday, November 8, 3:27 am

HotStud6969: Do you remember?

Thursday, November 10, 12:20 pm

Bambi666: Hello Craig.  Yes, I seem to remember you, although we didn’t meet at a hotel.  Meeting some random idiot off the internet at a hotel doesn’t seem like something I would do, then or now.  We met at a coffee shop.  You said you were a marine engineer, and you were in town for the night before heading off to meet a fishing boat the next morning for a few weeks of work.  You showed up for our coffee date drunk. I encouraged you to eat something, so you ordered a sandwich with ham, chicken and steak combined on a bagel. I chose to find all of this charming, probably because I liked your tattoos, and the way your chest looked under your t-shirt. I still feel shame. I gave you a lift to your hotel afterward and kissed you goodnight before driving off home.  The kiss was good, even though you tasted like Old MacDonald's Farm. Weeks later, we arranged to see one another again. We talked or texted every day for two weeks before making definitive plans. Then you stood me up, and ignored my text messages. Textbook ghosting. Months and months later, completely out of the blue, you send another message through this same garbage fire of a website. I answer, probably due in part to whatever instincts make characters in horror movies want to check the basement. You let me know you’re in town for a couple of days, and "really just wanting to bang,"  For some reason, you thought I would be the girl to help you out with that.  I politely declined.  So yes…I remember well.

Thursday, November 10, 12:25 pm

HotStud6969: So does this mean you don’t want to get a drink?

Thursday, November 10, 12:26 pm

Bambi666: Correct, Craig. I don't want to get a drink.